August 23, 2005
I am looking over a git receiving memo that I created at my old job as a case manager working with victims of human trafficking. My thoughts are that as an employee who is paid to provide services to clients, no gifts should be accepted. Period. It sets us up for favoritism and when providing direct services, that is a definite no-no. Gifts of money, trinkets, or food are not supposed to change/improve/speed up the services that we provide to clients. But taking culture into consideration, where a refusal of a gift is considered bad form and can get people actually mad at you, a no-gift accepting policy is hard to put into place. So I've been doing some research on-line to find out what other agencies have as their policy.
I found this site which is directed toward chemical engineers, but espouses much on the history of bribery. Very interesting read.
http://ethics.tamu.edu/ethics/giftgive/giftgiv1.htm
This gets into my whole debate about guys paying on dates and my constant effort to remain "dutch."
Having the gentleman pay for all expenses during a date is considered the norm in today's society. I hate it. I feel indebted. Granted, it might just be for a seafood dinner which does not equate to me having to perform anything in exchange for the dinner, but on some level, it does. By him having paid for my meal, movie, etc. I understand that he is saying that he is choosing to spend his hard earned cash on me so that I (and he) have an enjoyable evening together. But it sets up an inbalance at the beginning.
In having the guy pay for me, i have allowed him to set our footing on different grounds. He has taken the first step up and I know that perhaps sub-consciously, I have now placed him in another category where I must now be nicer, kinder, etc. to him. Or rather that I now view him in a more favorable light. All because he paid for something.
But on the other hand, its natural for people to show their interest or affections by buying things or treating others. and I have to say I enjoy doing that. as well as receiving it. but when its at the beginning of a 'relationship', ie, the first few dates.... I don't know. Because in a way, it can be seen as "bribery".
What's wrong with me?
Interesting thoughts there Jo. You have some very valid points. I know for me... when I go out I tend to be a bit too care free with my money. I think I definitely need to change that aspect of myself. I usually end up having fun but spending money like crazy. I think a lot of it was how I was raised. My parents were very very strict when it came to money... that I've been turned off by the whole "saving every little penny" type mentality. Also they taught me a lot about respect...
When it comes to dates... I for one love when a girl atleast offers to pay... but I probably would not allow her to pay for dinner or whatever. Growing up my relatives would always fight over being the one to pay the bill and that sort of thing.